Post by Raven on Apr 20, 2011 6:59:44 GMT
I'm writting an intro for one of the novel's I'm hopign to write. I have two as I didn't really like the first one I wrote so I redid it. Which one do you guys think is better?
This one.
One must stand steadfast against the growing tides… hold their head high… and swallow all fear. For the greatest of men are not born fearless they are born with all the fear in the world, they simply know that one must stand against their fears. For in the end courage is not determined by the fears you don’t have but the one’s you overcome. This is what mothers tell their children as cavalry ride through their town burning and slaughtering all in their paths. This is what fathers tell their sons as they march to war, and peace is but a fairy tale sung to small children to let them sleep through eternal darkness. This is the realm of Ithia where war has reigned for ages and passive Gods now begin to come to the fully realization of the horrors of idle hands.
Dophia… a great continent that spans from the Nara Ocean to the Blood Seas. Its mass is covered in grand forests, massive mountains, and vast plains. A fertile and once beautiful land. Where once crystal clear water poured now only foggy water that reeks of iron exists. Where seas of grass stretched endlessly now mass fields of grave markers dominate and crimson mud resides. The grand temples that once aided the sick and fed the hungry lay barren… bandages forsaken for swords. A endless cycle of death and chaos cuts through the land, piercing every heart and laying asunder the very essence of sentience leaving only the feral animalistic drives of beasts and monsters.
Though through the destruction and raging flames light shines down from the clouds. Thousands of white winged forms descend from the heavens, the Third Legion, an army of Akira the foot soldiers of the Celestial Host. God sent to bring an end to the chaos. A call to peace and thus peace followed, it came as quickly as the wondrous creatures could fly. Disease melted away at their divine light, plants began to grow as they passed over the barren earth, and those who had known only war laid down their weapons. The world changed, slowly but surely those troubled by blood shed, raised by the sword and nothing else had learned peace well. With the aid of Akira the world entered a golden age where trade and societies developed at astounding rates. How sweet was the feeling of safety… no fear of midnight raids, nor butchery of entire villages, even darkness seemed to have no power over small children anymore.
Though with all things sweet the bitter after taste of its absence is all the worse. as had lasted twenty long years… and was gone in an instant. As the Akira lingered many began to lose their sanity, driven insane by the absence of the Gods whom they had for so long lived by and had grown far to use to their presence. All who fell from the righteous path were banished. As was the Akira known as Cearis, who had stolen a black tome from the Gods, however he managed to escape with this dark book… and with its power united the exiles under one banner, played on the mortal’s own natural lust for war until many flocked to his banners… and with this black tome in hand his once kindred began to dwindle. Black wings began to out number White wings, The Holy order the Knights of Phoenix lost more and more to the growing darkness that were the Raven Knights. In the end the war between the two groups came to its climax and its final war. The Slaughter of Darkness, The Elven order the Falcon’s Talon stood with the leader and last member of the Knights of Phoenix, against the mass of Raven Knights and their endless horde of mortal followers. In the end the righteous lay slain… the Raven knights had been betrayed at Cearis’ order… and besides him no Akira remained. Now the Black Tyrant Cearis rises sending his legions of mortals out to lay claim to the entire world. All who oppose him are executed… and the world is left with but one hope… a human king General Michael Axandra the Third, a skilled warrior, a silver tongue, and a righteous man. With him stands the greatest champions he could muster and all who have the courage to stand against the suffocating darkness. Thus the curtain falls… and a candle is all that flickers against the endless tides of darkness.
or this one.
Darkness polluted the air of Dophia, a war torn and battle scared land. A place of misery and death, a place where the ground was stained red from long past wars and plants had grown far to fond of blood and flesh. A place where tyrants were common place, and the only charity was a quick merciful death. When despair had almost shattered the people's hearts and souls in obedience to the darkness which slowly crept from the hellish pits of Eldis Undreth (Greatest Despair). The Gods called forth their power as one entity darkness subsided and from the luminescent heaven's descended the Akira, foot soldiers of the Celestial Host and servants of the Gods. They did not even bother landing before they all swept across the land and sent forth their holy light. Their presence ended war and illness, cleansed despair and damnation from the peoples’ hearts, and saved them from the creatures of the damned which had crawled from hellish and abyssal origins.
Peace… such a strange existence for those who had been born of and for endless war and conflict, to be able to walk down the blood stained paths and not have to worry about bandits or fiends… such a strange concept indeed. To be able to truly live with out the fear of orks, undead, or anything else… they were ignorant of peace for only war had pervaded their minds and histories. They were not left to wander aimlessly though, the Akira taught and aided them, they brought about a revolution of technology such as arches and columns. They taught the people about walls and houses and how to properly build them. How best to farm, the best way to mine and hunt. However their innate goodness was their downfall, when their brothers fell to taint and darkness they sent them away instead of slaying them. It was here that they banded together, plotted and grew in strength. Then in a moment it was all gone, War erupted it sprayed forth, armies rose and the Akira soon fell to their fallen brethren. Those who had sided with Cearis when he was banished for meddling with dark magic. They the twisted armies of dark winged and pale fleshed Akira filled the sky against the brilliant winged and tanned fleshed brothers. The Raven Knights spilt the blood of the Knights of Phoenix, and they returned the bloodshed with equal zeal. This war soon covered the land with rotten corpses of these winged creatures and darkness once more began to fill the world. Azulu the last of the Knight of Phoenix along with the elven order of the Flacon's Talon stood against Cearis and after a long battle Azulu laid slain and the Knights of the Falcon's Talon lain amongst shatter and molten battlements black winged Akira piled around them. The sky filled with the massive dragons who on command of Cearis burned to death his fellow Raven Knights to ensure his dominance.
It is now that Heroes are made through toil and trials, weighing down their every thought and motion. For as all things when good people do not stand against the horrors of this world is when hope has truly fled. Now the curtains rise velvet parts to sanguine, sanguine parts to silver, and silver is washed over by lush green. Thus the stares shine brightly before fading to the dawn star. It is now that we rise… with hope in our hearts, and despair quickly closing in.
This one.
One must stand steadfast against the growing tides… hold their head high… and swallow all fear. For the greatest of men are not born fearless they are born with all the fear in the world, they simply know that one must stand against their fears. For in the end courage is not determined by the fears you don’t have but the one’s you overcome. This is what mothers tell their children as cavalry ride through their town burning and slaughtering all in their paths. This is what fathers tell their sons as they march to war, and peace is but a fairy tale sung to small children to let them sleep through eternal darkness. This is the realm of Ithia where war has reigned for ages and passive Gods now begin to come to the fully realization of the horrors of idle hands.
Dophia… a great continent that spans from the Nara Ocean to the Blood Seas. Its mass is covered in grand forests, massive mountains, and vast plains. A fertile and once beautiful land. Where once crystal clear water poured now only foggy water that reeks of iron exists. Where seas of grass stretched endlessly now mass fields of grave markers dominate and crimson mud resides. The grand temples that once aided the sick and fed the hungry lay barren… bandages forsaken for swords. A endless cycle of death and chaos cuts through the land, piercing every heart and laying asunder the very essence of sentience leaving only the feral animalistic drives of beasts and monsters.
Though through the destruction and raging flames light shines down from the clouds. Thousands of white winged forms descend from the heavens, the Third Legion, an army of Akira the foot soldiers of the Celestial Host. God sent to bring an end to the chaos. A call to peace and thus peace followed, it came as quickly as the wondrous creatures could fly. Disease melted away at their divine light, plants began to grow as they passed over the barren earth, and those who had known only war laid down their weapons. The world changed, slowly but surely those troubled by blood shed, raised by the sword and nothing else had learned peace well. With the aid of Akira the world entered a golden age where trade and societies developed at astounding rates. How sweet was the feeling of safety… no fear of midnight raids, nor butchery of entire villages, even darkness seemed to have no power over small children anymore.
Though with all things sweet the bitter after taste of its absence is all the worse. as had lasted twenty long years… and was gone in an instant. As the Akira lingered many began to lose their sanity, driven insane by the absence of the Gods whom they had for so long lived by and had grown far to use to their presence. All who fell from the righteous path were banished. As was the Akira known as Cearis, who had stolen a black tome from the Gods, however he managed to escape with this dark book… and with its power united the exiles under one banner, played on the mortal’s own natural lust for war until many flocked to his banners… and with this black tome in hand his once kindred began to dwindle. Black wings began to out number White wings, The Holy order the Knights of Phoenix lost more and more to the growing darkness that were the Raven Knights. In the end the war between the two groups came to its climax and its final war. The Slaughter of Darkness, The Elven order the Falcon’s Talon stood with the leader and last member of the Knights of Phoenix, against the mass of Raven Knights and their endless horde of mortal followers. In the end the righteous lay slain… the Raven knights had been betrayed at Cearis’ order… and besides him no Akira remained. Now the Black Tyrant Cearis rises sending his legions of mortals out to lay claim to the entire world. All who oppose him are executed… and the world is left with but one hope… a human king General Michael Axandra the Third, a skilled warrior, a silver tongue, and a righteous man. With him stands the greatest champions he could muster and all who have the courage to stand against the suffocating darkness. Thus the curtain falls… and a candle is all that flickers against the endless tides of darkness.
or this one.
Darkness polluted the air of Dophia, a war torn and battle scared land. A place of misery and death, a place where the ground was stained red from long past wars and plants had grown far to fond of blood and flesh. A place where tyrants were common place, and the only charity was a quick merciful death. When despair had almost shattered the people's hearts and souls in obedience to the darkness which slowly crept from the hellish pits of Eldis Undreth (Greatest Despair). The Gods called forth their power as one entity darkness subsided and from the luminescent heaven's descended the Akira, foot soldiers of the Celestial Host and servants of the Gods. They did not even bother landing before they all swept across the land and sent forth their holy light. Their presence ended war and illness, cleansed despair and damnation from the peoples’ hearts, and saved them from the creatures of the damned which had crawled from hellish and abyssal origins.
Peace… such a strange existence for those who had been born of and for endless war and conflict, to be able to walk down the blood stained paths and not have to worry about bandits or fiends… such a strange concept indeed. To be able to truly live with out the fear of orks, undead, or anything else… they were ignorant of peace for only war had pervaded their minds and histories. They were not left to wander aimlessly though, the Akira taught and aided them, they brought about a revolution of technology such as arches and columns. They taught the people about walls and houses and how to properly build them. How best to farm, the best way to mine and hunt. However their innate goodness was their downfall, when their brothers fell to taint and darkness they sent them away instead of slaying them. It was here that they banded together, plotted and grew in strength. Then in a moment it was all gone, War erupted it sprayed forth, armies rose and the Akira soon fell to their fallen brethren. Those who had sided with Cearis when he was banished for meddling with dark magic. They the twisted armies of dark winged and pale fleshed Akira filled the sky against the brilliant winged and tanned fleshed brothers. The Raven Knights spilt the blood of the Knights of Phoenix, and they returned the bloodshed with equal zeal. This war soon covered the land with rotten corpses of these winged creatures and darkness once more began to fill the world. Azulu the last of the Knight of Phoenix along with the elven order of the Flacon's Talon stood against Cearis and after a long battle Azulu laid slain and the Knights of the Falcon's Talon lain amongst shatter and molten battlements black winged Akira piled around them. The sky filled with the massive dragons who on command of Cearis burned to death his fellow Raven Knights to ensure his dominance.
It is now that Heroes are made through toil and trials, weighing down their every thought and motion. For as all things when good people do not stand against the horrors of this world is when hope has truly fled. Now the curtains rise velvet parts to sanguine, sanguine parts to silver, and silver is washed over by lush green. Thus the stares shine brightly before fading to the dawn star. It is now that we rise… with hope in our hearts, and despair quickly closing in.
Amazing! Though you really shouldn't pay attention to me. I get amazed pretty easily. I kind of got sucked into the story x3 
Other Agendas? Evil master mind errands perhaps?