Chocolate
Fallen
Ashes Ashes We all fall down
Posts: 102
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Post by Chocolate on Mar 15, 2011 0:35:41 GMT
Nala
The scars on my body are nothing like the ones on my heart. It's something that even time can't heal.
She slowly pulled away from him, letting one of her arms drop to her side, while the other one wiped away her tears. Tears weren't always a sign of weakness, sometimes it's the only thing that shows that your alive.
Why did she break down and cry? Why did she show inferiorly to him. She was supposed to be a warrior, strong against all odds, why was she here? She was in therapy, can't even remember her own forsaken memories. Maybe that was a good thing, maybe her mind was trying to tell her that you don't want to remember. Maybe her past was nothing but grueling hours of training and weakness.
Memory! A-a face. A flash of a face,blurry and contorted.Was it a girl or a boy? Nala clutched her head. It was like a horrible migraine. She held back a scream. A migraine and what felt like bad T.V reception. The Face, it was so hot. The sun was beating down on the angel, but she didn't seem to notice. She was only focusing on the messed up face. An angel, with black wings, a defiance? An impure,uncleaned soul. Nala was clutching down behind a rock, in what seemed to be a hot dessert. The angel turned around, Nala hid further behind the rock. "Come out, Come out, wherever you are." It's taunting words called to her. Nala growled softly to herself. Where was her bow and arrow? She couldn't use her dagger in this fight. No choice for close range combat, a chance she couldn't take. "Nala, come out now. I know you followed." Nala hissed silently. How could it have known? Nala was always almost silent when following someone. It's one of her specialties, too be quiet and stealthy when need be. Footsteps, closer to her. Nala fled, half running half flying to the nearest shelter. Take out your bow and arrows if you want to live. She commanded herself, and she did as she was told. "Drop them." A new voice commanded, and Nala did so, who else was there. Nala could feel fear creeping up her spine. No! Her mind screamed at her. Nala turned around, to face the new monsters, as they slowly approached her. Nala tried to move, but found herself frozen in place. Grab you dagger! Grab your dagger! Nala tried to reach it from her thigh. I was so close, yet so far. "Silly, Silly girl..."
Then, everything went black.
Nala, while experiencing the memory had crouched down in fear, her eyes closed tightly, a mask of pain and fear surrounded her face, she put her hands up, almost as f she was shielding herself, but from what?
Now she knew how she had gotten to the chamber.
She wish she didn't.
She was betrayed, betrayed by her own kind, betrayed by one of her closet friends.
If you lose yourself, your courage will soon follow, so be strong tonight, and remember who you are.
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Post by snow on Mar 23, 2011 22:32:03 GMT
the gap will keep us safe He reached out to her when she dropped, but drew back when she raised her hands. Helplessness pricked again at his chest. He couldn’t do anything for her when she was lost in her own mind, carried away by the tide of a new wave of pain. All he could do was kneel down next to her, wait for her to emerge, and lightly touch her arm in the hope that he could somehow soothe her. She had closed up again so quickly after pulling away, and now she curled up in clear torment. He stayed as motionless as he could, as silently as possible, all senses alert for any signal of improvement for her. He should be used to this feeling by now, this need to make everything better; he should know that it required patience and that he couldn’t stop attacks like this happening the moment he started treatment. He had not felt it in years, after his experience had taught him to be better. He had been professional, detached and level-headed. He should be able to deal with this. With Nala, somehow, he just wasn’t managing it. He pitied her, he empathised with her, but the plain truth was that he was just too involved. He had been too interested in her experiences, and had let himself get emotional. He wasn’t cut out to be a full-time therapist. He needed something solid and certain, namely physical injuries that were either present or healed. Something definite that he could measure with confidence. The mind was subjective, relative, it shifted and changed constantly, and with Nala even more unpredictably. He simply couldn’t get his head around it. She was so confusing! He thought she was opening up, and then he pushed her away. He thought she was improving, and then she started crying. He thought she was settling, and then this. The pressure was manageable. The frustration, not so much. But what could he do? He couldn’t give up. He couldn’t leave her. He couldn’t do anything to bring her back to the surface now that she was drowning in her own mind. Deliberately and carefully calming himself, he reminded himself where he was. This was his office, his domain, his forte. He was doing what he did best, for someone that needed it direly. Nothing else should matter. He stared at Nala with serious eyes, waiting for her to return. “Nala,” he said, gentle but insistent. “Nala. Come on. Focus. Nala.” The encouragement continued in staccato sentences, giving her something to concentrate on, but also to be slightly more useful than he had been. step away...
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Chocolate
Fallen
Ashes Ashes We all fall down
Posts: 102
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Post by Chocolate on Mar 24, 2011 1:06:01 GMT
Nala
But Maybe I need you now. "Nala."
The name rang in Nala's mind. She had stopped freaking out, her face became blank after the memory, her eyes blank, staring straight ahead. She was like a dummy, waiting for the ventriloquist to take control again.
"Nala."
The strange voice repeated. Who was Nala? Why is this man saying Nala?
"Come on, Nala, Focus."
Focus on what? Who was Nala? Why was this man touching her?
The voice triggered a memory. A hug, the feeling of being needed, of being wanted. It, to the tortured arch-angel, was one of the best memories she could ever posses.
Oh. She was Nala, and-and he was Raphael. He was there to help her. The idea, almost took over Nala. She didn't need help! Then.. she realized she was crouched on the ground, almost as if she was in a defensive position.
Maybe she did need help...
She slowly crawled her way back into control. It's horrible to be drowning, It's even worse if your drowning in your own mind. Soon she was able to think properly and act like she normally did, but the memory had a side affect. It left her feeling empty inside, betrayed. All she really wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry, but she didn't. Nala stood strong.
Nala's eyes focused on his. They were shockingly... amazing. Nala had never been, eye level with him, and never got to truly look him in the eyes.
Inside she was cursing herself out, for being so weak, for just collapsing and showing weakness.
Her emerald eyes focused on his brown eyes. "I'm Sorry." She muttered, her shoulders dropped a little, suggesting that she was upset with the fact that she had experienced the memory, and reacted, in a not so positive manner.
Nala quickly looked down, some hair falling in front of to shield her face. How could she tell him that she was so stupid to be back stabbed. She should have seen it coming, but the idea of a true friend had blinded her. She should be used to this, this loneliness that remained inside of her. It was a loneliness that rended deep, raking at her heart and soul worse than any wound or cut could hope to achieve. It was that overwhelming sense that no one wants you. Why couldn't she be loyal like Gabriel or loving like Michael? Why did she have to be so, so imperfect?
Ironic, that she was able to stand up to any physical damage that would come at her and adapt to deal with it, but when you mention a fault of hers she would break down in tears. Show no fear, no faults, and no one can hurt you. Was he happy now? Was he happy to see her crawl her way back to sanity, was he happy to see her 'mental shield' break down to pieces when it took her weeks to try and regain what little part of her she still had? But yet, she still couldn't repress the urge to just tell him everything. Nala wanted nothing more then to have someone to trust, someone to love.
Please, I don't want to be alone anymore.
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Post by snow on Apr 3, 2011 19:05:30 GMT
maybe someday you will see the brighter side Her head had bowed, hiding her expression, but Raphael knew she was upset by something. He didn’t know what: from a memory, from her reaction to it, or from showing her weakness. He didn’t know what to expect from her anymore. He had decided not to worry about it, and he was going to stick to that. Her eyes had given him what he needed for the time being: she was in pain. End of. The time for thinking was over, and he had to go with what he had. Her apology said a little, though. Most patients fell into one of two categories: those that said ‘sorry’, and those that said ‘thank you’, and outside of that were the exceptions. There were always exceptions, and it tended to be those that refused to say anything at all. There were countless reasons why one may choose between them, but they were almost always unconscious, especially the former. With Nala, it was probably that she didn’t want to need help, or felt bad for making him provide it. There was nothing she could do about either. Even if she told him not to, he had let himself too close to back out now. If not as a healer then as a friend, he would do what he could for her. With that thought, he realised something. He was growing unprofessionally close to her, which was likely to be caused by his empathy. He knew well how she was feeling. That didn’t have to be a bad thing. Did it not also mean that he could help her better? Sure, he still had to figure some things out, but what he knew he understood pretty well. He would do one better than not worrying. He would treat it as a positive thing. It would help him do his job. Comforted by this resolution, he gave her another rueful smile. “How are you feeling?” It wasn’t all that imaginative, not that it was important. It was one of those thoughts that occurred to him every now and again. With psychological matters, what the angel said was always a good place to start looking, a window to their mindset. Semantics, word choices, tone, eye contact, plus the obvious subject matter, and that attention to detail made him analyse his own phraseology. He had his encouraging speech and stock phrases, but worried that they lacked sensitivity. Against that was the required frankness. Using pretty words didn’t help at all if the patient had no idea what you were talking about. or at least you will believe in it
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Chocolate
Fallen
Ashes Ashes We all fall down
Posts: 102
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Post by Chocolate on Apr 4, 2011 1:09:26 GMT
Nala
Who am I to say you need me? I don't know anything at all.
"How are you feeling?"
The question startled the arch-angel .Nala quickly looked up. She was expecting something along the lines of a pointless pep talk, that meant nothing to her. Nala knew that the healer had well over a million pre-worded phrases and speeches stocked up in his mind for future patients. He had used a few on her before, like when they first met. "Better than before." She said truthfully, fumbling with her hands. Her gaze slowly drifted back to her hands. The scars on her palm had finally faded. She was better, not completely well, but better. At least she didn't lie.
"There-There was this angel. I thought he was my friend. I followed him to the gates of hell, and he found me. He made me burn. It hurt, It hurt so much. He paralyzed me, calling me silly because I had followed him, and then everything goes black." She blurted out, still looking at her hands. The arch-angel couldn't hold it in anymore. It was like torture. She had found someone to talk to, now all she needed was the courage to tell him.
Raphael had probably already guessed how much pain she was in. The question was, did he know from what? The feeling of being alone, of being abandoned, of being tortured, or being left to die? She would have to toughen up and tell him, but could she?
She, still keeping her head low, twirled a piece of her short orange hair around her finger, biting her lower lip. Nala seemed to be lost in a deep thought, an inner war of sorts.
Finally, the realization had hit her. No one expected her to return. No one even knew she existed. 'Nala? The Arch-angel? Oh, she disappeared a while back, haven't seen her since. Oh Well.' Nala could have screamed, or cried or give up. The only sign that she found out about this was that she bit her lower lip even harder as if holding back something, and her gaze concentrated harder at the ground. No one wanted her.
something is scratching its way out something you want to forget about no one expects you to get up all on your own with no one around
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Post by snow on Apr 11, 2011 0:28:10 GMT
hold your breath and count to ten Burning, she had said. Things got better and better. Burns were Raphael’s least favourite physical injury. They took a deceptive amount of time to recover from, and required regular sessions. Worse still, even after treatment they could continue to worsen. He could be dealing with a second-degree one day, and the following be looking at third-degree. They just kept going, especially if not treated. The skin would simply continue to burn until it was stopped. He tried to get himself back on track. She wasn’t talking about a physical wound. It was psychological, contained in her mind, somehow inflicted. It was an interesting idea and he wondered fleetingly if it could be used to comfort as well as torment. He couldn’t imagine it. How would it feel? What emotions would come from it? How had this impacted on her current state? The rest was relatively simple in comparison. Betrayal, derision and contempt from a friend led to loneliness, low self-esteem, and constant fear of a repeat. It was very unlikely that she had caused it herself, but they still did not know how it had happened, what had caused the angel to fall, and whether or not it had been for the sole purpose of trapping Nala. It could have been an opportunity, or a meticulously planned scheme. He couldn’t know. He should stop trying to figure it out and focus on his patient. She was staring at the floor, a habit of hers that he disliked. Avoiding his eyes, as always, afraid of the feelings they would give away. He crouched to peer up through her folds of hair, to her expression, her gaze. His eyebrows lifted a little as he waited for a reaction. She appeared to be deep in thought, but he was sure she had registered his presence. “I’m not going away,” he promised, or was it a threat? It could be either, he supposed, depending on her interpretation. “I need you to concentrate.” Another cliché, he acknowledged without remorse. It wasn’t a lie, so it didn’t matter. He was serious now, having regained that sense of direction, of links and causes, of something that could help her. “What did the burning feel like? Did it feel physical or in your mind? Describe it as much as you can,” and he remembered to add, “but don’t push yourself.” fall apart and start again
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Chocolate
Fallen
Ashes Ashes We all fall down
Posts: 102
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Post by Chocolate on Apr 11, 2011 20:24:50 GMT
Nala
I wish I could tell you these words are a lie.
"I'm not going away."
Finally Nala looked up. Her gaze concentrated on his eyes. "I don't want you to go away.." She stammered quietly, mostly to herself. The angel couldn't believe she said it, and meant the words. He couldn't leave her, He-he couldn't. She didn't want to be alone anymore. It finally hit her, how much she needed company, how much she needed him.
"I need you to concentrate. What did the burning feel like?"
Nala almost flinched when he mentioned the fire. She hated fire. Whether it was before the memory or after, she couldn't tell. "It felt like I was burning alive. But when I looked down, I wasn't on fire. It was right under my skin. I kept on expecting that I would just peel away. I couldn't stop it, no matter how hard I tried, the more I struggled, the more it hurt. Soon I couldn't move at all. It felt physical, though it didn't leave any damage that I could see. It must have been all mental. It just felt like I was burning at a stake and couldn't say anything. It felt physical, but it was a trick of the mind. The weird thing was, the more I tried to ignore it and overcome it, the more powerful it became." Nala tried to focus on his face but kept glancing at her hands. It was a habit that would take a while to break.
"But Don't push yourself."
Too late, she already felt dizzy. A strong headache clouded her mind. It usaully happened when Nala tried focusing on the past. She grabbed her head flinching silently. She surpressed a groan of pain.
But, despite the aching pain in her head she lifted her head up and smiled weakly. Her ember eyes still showed the pain, but it was not as much as before. Now she had someone there. He had been right, or right to a certain point. The archangel needed someone there, and maybe even want. Is that so bad? Is it so bad that the only thing she ever wanted was for someone to care, and she was willing to die for someone she could trust in, to believe in?
I'm just a soul who's intentions are good, Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.
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Post by snow on Apr 25, 2011 11:58:18 GMT
only remember that all you have been Raphael immediately lifted a hand in an instinctive response to the pain he could see in Nala’s eyes, terribly clear and unmistakable. He marvelled as she smiled through it, somehow having the strength to carry an expression halfway to happy. They never ceased to amaze him, his patients, with their strength in whatever form, their determination to recover, their love and hope. He didn’t believe in lost causes, and for as long as an angel lived, they deserved help. Even for those for whom an untimely demise was inevitable, there was still a place for comfort, dignity and choice. As far as he was concerned, nobody ever ran out of reasons to live. Sometimes the future was too dark or uncertain to see them, but that just meant he had to remind them that they were still there. His hand dropped, thoughts skimming across his mind. She had felt a physical sensation of burning, imagined, paralysing and refusing to be ignored, stronger than she could overpower, intensifying with attention. It linked directly to her psychological state, the feeling of her own mind turning against her, being unable to escape from herself. It could even be the trigger of her deep self-hatred. There was progress, then. He could eventually undermine that, convince her that she was not to blame, but it would be a gradual process. “Such a thing could never be your fault,” he said. The assurance seemed abrupt against the conversation so far, but he hoped it would make an impact, even a little. With a mental shake, he decided it was time to move on. He had heard enough about the burning, the torture, everything that had happened to her. He wanted to take her back, past her traumatic experience, to happier times. There was a careful balance to be achieved, of positive and negative experiences. Too many unhappy memories could overwhelm her. He had to remind her of the good times as well as the bad. He couldn’t think of a specific incident, not knowing her well enough to do so, and was stuck with a general starting question. “What about your other friends?” He asked. cannot compare to all you could become
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Chocolate
Fallen
Ashes Ashes We all fall down
Posts: 102
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Post by Chocolate on Apr 25, 2011 13:10:28 GMT
Nala
knock knock Is anyone home? The statement surprised her. It....wasn't....her....fault? Nala sighed quietly, still staring at Raphael. How could he think so highly of her? How could he when everyone else looked down upon her like a mouse in the cupboard? Could he not see that she might not have the strength to recover completely. Nala shook the idea from her mind. She was going to recover. She was...Nala hoped.
'What about your other friends?' He asked her. "What about them? I never really had many, and by now they all disappeared. I wouldn't reconize them even if you brought all my memory back." She finally tore her gaze away from his to stare at the wall. Someone once told her that warriors didn't't need friends. At the time she believed it. Once she realized her mistake, the damage was done and no one could replace it. After years of being pushed away by Nala, they all stopped trying to figure her out. "They all just left when they realized that I couldn't trust them. I only really trusted one..." Nala slowly let her voice trail off.
The archangel tried to stop herself from getting off the topic. She tried so hard to become something better for him. If only she could make his job easier. If only the world was perfect...
If no body's home... I guess I'll just go.
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Post by snow on May 5, 2011 20:19:10 GMT
who cares about the past? He refused to believe that she had had no friends. Whether out of naivety or optimism, Raphael did not entertain the notion that Nala was right. In Heaven, how could one have no friends? Raphael found he had company wherever he went. People enjoyed being with him, he was fun and interesting, but also compassionate and a practised listener. A lot of the time he felt more like an agony aunt than a healer – but that was just another part of the job. And though he didn’t live for his work, he lived for the smiles he got from it, and from being in the middle of a group of cheerful faces, knowing that he had offered them that shred of happiness. That was all he needed to be happy himself. He knew how unbearable it could be to be left alone. He was usually the one to bring others together, to introduce likeminded angels and draw outsiders into a circle. Everybody was welcome, at least to him. He followed an impromptu urge to ruffle her hair, though only briefly lest she snap his fingers off. He was trying to keep the mood light. It was difficult; Nala was such a pessimist. “I think you’ll find some. New faces or old, friends are friends. I’m here, aren’t I?” He grinned at her brightly, then let himself tease her quickly. “Or don’t I count?” In all fairness, sometimes he didn’t. To some, he was only relied on when things were going wrong, the opposite of a fair-weather friend. Once they were cured of whatever he had helped them overcome, they could leave without looking back. It was common, as patients so often grew close to their caretakers. He had long since gotten over any sense of loss. There were still some people left in Heaven that he hadn’t treated, after all. Well…possibly. “There’s something that’s going to get better, then,” he told her easily. “I know plenty of people that would happily get to know you. It’s up to you, of course,” he remembered to assure her, his professionalism warring uncharacteristically with his enthusiasm. “But seriously,” with this his expression fell back into earnest, “you can’t judge everybody by your past experiences. This is Heaven, isn’t it? You’re surrounded by angels, in every sense of the word.” we have the future
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Chocolate
Fallen
Ashes Ashes We all fall down
Posts: 102
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Post by Chocolate on May 6, 2011 0:57:09 GMT
Nala Maybe we can make a deal.
Nala looked up at him again, first glaring playfully at the healer as Raphael touched her hair and a small smile spread across her face. He was teasing her, so... so Raphael like. She gently smacked his hand away, trying not to hurt him though. She gently pushed his hand away from her hair. Still, she didn't like people touching her hair... At least it was better than one of her last reactions...
"Yes you count, of course you count. You're like my best friend." With a shrug her eyes twinkled slightly in the florescent light of his office. The grin slowly growing wider. He counted. Raphael was able to get to her, change her both physically and emotionally. Not even Michael or Gabriel, though Nala doubted he could do anything other than be Gabriel, could do that to her. It was like lava, slowly moving through her, propelled by Raphael's guiding smile.
"Ah yes, Heaven, the place that humans dream about." She shrugged. "Heaven is Heaven. A place in this universe that angels reside under the command of the Lord himself. The place....where I feel like an outcast among my own kind." She said quietly, almost a whisper. Again her hair fell in front of her eyes, hiding her emotion, though a small smile was still visible. Nothing could have brought her down, well almost nothing.
She pressed a finger to her mouth, tilting her head watching him through the strands of her hair. "You have pretty eyes." She commented, and let a small giggle slip through her lips. He was tall, tan, brown hair and brown eyes. Maybe it was the white clothes that he always wore, oh well. Maybe it was time for her to pay attention to the details that surrounded her. She leaned back so that instead of crouching down, she was sitting. Her legs had thanked her, because they had finally stopped screaming inprotest for being in the pose for so long. Maybe together we can get somewhere.
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Post by snow on May 11, 2011 20:29:22 GMT
how you are can stay the same He couldn’t resist smiling, weighing her up. Was she trying to change the subject? He sat down too, thinking it typical of Nala to choose the floor over any number of seats. She went against the norm in a lot of ways, and all that needed to change was how she saw that. It wasn’t always a fault, nor was it always a quality. It was simply her personality, and that was something she couldn’t try to change. If others abandoned her for that, they weren’t worth being friends with in the first place. This was all something most people knew. However, that knowledge didn’t stop it hurting if it happened. “So do you,” he returned the compliment, shortly and honestly. “Anyway, you’re not an outcast. If you were, you wouldn’t be here, would you? Clearly, someone,” he pointed to the sky, making it obvious exactly who he was referring to, “wants you here.” There wasn’t much more he could say, and made up for that with another grin. There were too many jokes and teasing remarks that he could fill the silence with, but he had already dared to ruffle her hair. He wasn’t going to push his luck, even with her current tolerance. He wondered just how much she would put up with if he let himself air a few of those quips. The thought widened his smile. That was definitely not a safe course of action. He had no doubt she could aim and execute a swift poke to his ribs before he could see it coming. The little ones were always the dangerous ones because they were hard to dodge, having focused on speed and agility in their training to make up for a lack of physical strength. He had well-honed reaction times too, but that was only because he seemed to need them whenever he was in the company of a woman. He hadn’t yet found that ideal combination of understanding his jokes and not mistaking them for flirting… just smile when you look in the mirror
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Chocolate
Fallen
Ashes Ashes We all fall down
Posts: 102
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Post by Chocolate on May 11, 2011 23:43:51 GMT
NalaMirror Mirror on the wallNala swiftly brushed her hair out of her eyes. They seemed to twinkle in the light. Maybe it was because she was smiling. The ever so rare smile always brightened up her face. The smile disappeared from her face, replaced with a sense of helplessness as he mentioned him. She still felt like God had abandoned her at the time she most needed it. The arch-angel looked up at him as if he could solve all her problems. As if he held the key to world peace, the key to her happiness. She didn't respond to his comment. God was a sensitive subject for her. Her hand rubbed her arm again, chaffing it again. Why would he care if she came back. Let her suffer one more day, it didn't even matter. Just a stupid arch-angel. She shook her head, trying to rid the emotion from her mind. No, Raphael wouldn't stand for this. He wouldn't stand that she was feeling so much pity for herself. No, angels were supposed to be strong, fit, able to stand up against enemies and not suffer. Why was she so useless now? She sighed frustrated, looking up again. Great, she made everything awkward. He was probably mad at her for changing the mood. How was she going to face God? Or any enemy when she's like this? Her hand clenched into a fist, and then unclenched, then clenched again. Her hair fell in strands in front of her face as she tilted her head downwards. So much progress, down the drain. She took in a large breath. "I just want him to know that I miss him." She whispered. "Something happened. I got in trouble. He didn't like it, didn't like me anymore. I felt like I didn't belong anymore. I haven't visited him since. I feel... dirty. Like just being down there has tainted me. I don't feel like an angel anymore. I don't even deserve these wings." I refuse to be your china doll.(The print in lime green I can not take credit for. It's from a poem called Mirror, I wish I could remember the author. I found it on Deviant Art and it reminded me of Nala.
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Post by snow on May 18, 2011 18:46:39 GMT
if you can’t trust the future to be happy Raphael decided not to get his hopes up about staying Nala’s friend, regardless of what she said. Time would tell him, and he would cross the bridge when they came to it. He observed as she worked through her unease and eventually made a response. The atmosphere had changed instantly with the mention of God, and he regretted bringing it up. He never blamed her for her reaction, instead putting the responsibility upon himself, as usual. However, he refused to dwell on the mistake. It was another clue to Nala’s complicated psyche, and he couldn’t reject that just because it didn’t have the right mood. His reply would be along the same lines as when he had previously said, but he couldn’t help it if she didn’t believe him, he reflected with fondness. What she had said tied in with what he had noted earlier about her sensitivity over her wings, the physical sign of her angelic status. “Of course you’d miss him. How could you not? He wouldn’t expect anything else.” He softened his tone, trying to comfort as well as correct her. “Just because you’ve been hurt doesn’t mean you’re broken. Trust Him.” Raphael himself had never lost trust in God, so perhaps lacked real empathy with her situation. However, it was quite common for him to reassure angels that worried if their suffering was punishment. Few ever actually questioned their Lord, and simply assumed they were atoning for some sin they had not realised. Usually, the best advice to give was that by suffering they became stronger, making them even more capable in their duties for Heaven. They would endure the pain if it would better them. “When it comes right down to it, whether you feel deserving or not, you’re still an archangel. So…you must have done something right, hm?” This was generally the attitude he applied to his own life. Healing was his job, and if this made him worthy of archangel status, well, who was he to question his Father? He couldn’t complain. He was doing what he wanted to do, and had the freedom to go about it however he wished. He was happy. If you were happy, you had no right to regrets. at least trust me when I say it will be
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Chocolate
Fallen
Ashes Ashes We all fall down
Posts: 102
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Post by Chocolate on May 20, 2011 1:05:53 GMT
Nala When I don't want the world to see me
Nala looked up at Raphael from looking at her hands that sat dutifully on her lap, like a little kid finally admitting defeat because she thought the teacher had gotten the answer wrong. When the teacher had gotten the question right all along.
"I just wanted him to care. I felt so alone down there, like everything he had given me was taken away from me. If-If...If he." She paused to shudder slightly at the mention of Azazel. "If he took my wings, I wouldn't have anything, that connected me to God. I wouldn't have that sense that maybe I could still belong. Because of that I got myself hurt even worse. I risked my life for these stupid wings, and I fled like a coward. But, but how could I have still fought? I could barely stand. It showed weakness though. I shouldn't have fled. I should have accepted that he was going to strip me of my title, not flee like some weakling. It's like I was a little kid running home to dad because I scrapped my knee, to realize he was still at work. I'm trying not to be so hard on myself, Raphael, but it's hard. It feels like I became broken, like every part of me has shattered into a million pieces. I feel like I've lost part of myself. I lost my memories, I lost my self-confidence. I used to have so much. I wasn't scared of everything. I would have taken on a few hundred demons and not be scared but now, I... just can't."
She sighed. "You probably don't even care. I need to learn to be quiet. I'm sorry for wasting your time. You must have other patients other than me. I can wait, you don't have to deal with me and my petty problems right now." Her ember eyes darted back to her hands again and she bit her lip to restrain from talking.
"If I'm still an arch-angel, it must mean I still have the will to fight." She confirmed, in her own version. With Nala it was always like she was trying to be good at something, but never got high enough to be memorable. Maybe she'd be remembered because of her flaws, or maybe how she overcame them.
I just want you to know who I am
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